The Politics of Pussy

Note to the reader: this article freely and frequently uses the word pussy to describe a woman’s genitalia. If you find this offensive, please read the alternative version, The Politics of a Not a Penis, here.

The Politics of Pussy | Plus Size Life

The Politics of Pussy

In a country that dubs itself “the leader of the free world,” having a pussy is never a good thing.

Being in possession of a pussy in America means you live beneath an ever-thickening glass ceiling. It means you can be the victim of a brutal rape and if your rapist is a promising male athlete, you’ll have the privilege of watching him walk away from taking responsibility for his “two minutes of action” via a legal system designed by and controlled by penises.

Being in possession of a pussy in America means you are not allowed to choose what happens to it. Your pussy is regulated, ruled on and controlled by a population of people who don’t even know what it’s like to have a pussy.

Being in possession of a pussy in America means you pay an unnecessary tax for basic sanitation products to keep your pussy in check during that monthly time when you, to paraphrase the ever-eloquent President-Elect, are “bleeding from [your] wherever”.

Being in possession of a pussy in America is enough to keep you from becoming president. It doesn’t matter that you have devoted 50 years of your life fighting for the rights and well being of other pussies. It doesn’t matter that you have, at times, been the only pussy in the room, taking charge of dangerous, global situations and ensuring everyone walks away unscathed. It does not matter that you are categorically more qualified than your opponent. It doesn’t matter that your opponent’s only claims to fame are living off of his daddy’s checkbook, wearing roadkill for a toupee, self tanning with Cheetos dust and pointing his fingers at expectant, more-educated-than-him business hopefuls and saying “You’re fired”. The only thing that matters is that you have a pussy and therefore couldn’t possibly be the ruler of “the leader of the free world”.

Being in possession of a pussy in America means being, at any given moment, grabbed by it and forced into all manner of actions without your consent because any sense of privacy or personal space is automatically abdicated or forfeited at the hands of a celebrity. And if the President-Elect can do it, so can any other penis.

Being in possession of a pussy in America means the only time it is acceptable to have one is when it is engaging in sex with a man or is undressed, on display for the world to see. And displaying it while you work illegally in a country you immigrated to is a one-way ticket to becoming First Lady of “the leader of the free world”.

Being in possession of a pussy in America is a burden. A shortcoming that you will be vilified for. It’s a failing for which you must be banished to the kitchen or to the side of your husband, hands folded demurely, never wavering from his omniscient male gaze.

Being in possession of a pussy in America is a mealticket for oppression. It’s a label detailing that you are not flesh and blood, capable of autonomy or intellectual thought but that you are a possession owned by a man and controlled by The Man.

 

 

The Politics of a Not a Penis

In a country that dubs itself “the leader of the free world,” to have a not a penis is never a good thing.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America means you live beneath an ever-thickening glass ceiling. It means you can be the victim of a brutal rape and if your rapist is a promising male athlete, you’ll have the privilege of watching him walk away from taking responsibility for his “two minutes of action” via a legal system designed by and controlled by penises.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America means you are not allowed to choose what happens to it. Your not a penis is regulated, ruled on and controlled by a population of people who don’t even know what it’s like to have a not a penis.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America means you pay an unnecessary tax for basic sanitation products to keep your not a penis in check during that monthly time when you, to paraphrase the ever-eloquent President-Elect, are “bleeding from [your] wherever”.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America is enough to keep you from becoming president. It doesn’t matter that you have devoted 50 years of your life fighting for the rights and well being of other not a penises. It doesn’t matter that you have, at times, been the only not-a-penis in the room, taking charge of dangerous, global situations and ensuring everyone walks away unscathed. It does not matter that you are categorically more qualified than your opponent. It doesn’t matter that your opponent’s only claims to fame are living off of his daddy’s checkbook, wearing roadkill for a toupee, self tanning with Cheetos dust and pointing his fingers at expectant, more-educated-than-him business hopefuls and saying “You’re fired”. The only thing that matters is that you have a not a penis and therefore couldn’t possibly be the ruler of “the leader of the free world”.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America means being, at any given moment, grabbed by it and forced into all manner of actions without your consent because any sense of privacy or personal space is automatically abdicated or forfeited at the hands of a celebrity. And if the President-Elect can do it, so can any other penis.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America means the only time it is acceptable to not have one is when it is engaging in sex with a penis or is undressed, on display for the world to see. And displaying it while you work illegally in a country you immigrated to is a one-way ticket to becoming First Lady of “the leader of the free world”.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America is a burden. A shortcoming that you will be vilified for. It’s a failing for which you must be banished to the kitchen or to the side of your husband, hands folded demurely, never wavering from his omniscient male gaze.

Being in possession of a not a penis in America is a mealticket for oppression. It’s a label detailing that you are not flesh and blood, capable of autonomy or intellectual thought but that you are a possession owned by a man and controlled by The Man.

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